Ursula Thorsen - Noah's Archipelago

The Plea Bargain

February 7, 2024August 4, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Just because you have the best lawyer in town doesn’t mean you won’t get the book thrown at you when the authorities have you dead to rights.

Inspector Ursula

February 19, 2024July 31, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Your Responsibility, Daddy

June 12, 2024March 23, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Last Year’s Art Gallery Field Trip

February 5, 2024February 27, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula's teacher, Beryl Fardemar, and Ruth are in the teachers' lounge on their coffee break. Beryl looks anxious and says, "So our field trip to the art gallery is Friday." Ruth replies, "My condolences." Beryl continues, "I heard your husband made a fool of himself last year." Ruth answers, "Noah insists otherwise." Beryl looks confused and asks, "Didn't he do an interpretive dance?" Ruth looks off to the side and says, "It looked more like a seizure, but sure." Alarmed, Beryl mutters to herself, "Dear Lord..." while Ruth shrugs and says, "Look on the bright side: unlike last year, I won't be there, so he won't be on his worst behavior." We see Ruth's memory of part of last year's trip, in which a laughing Noah lies on his back on one of the sculpture platforms with one leg up in the air and calls out to a pregnant Ruth, "Hey Ruth! Draw me like one of your French guys!" Ruth is mortified and covers her face in her hands while Ursula asks, "Mommy, what's Daddy talking about?"

I think I got the allusion to the Titanic movie rather close. It’s a wonder the Art Gallery hasn’t banned Noah for his antics there, but then again he does help with fundraising for the gallery and the museum and is somewhat of a local D list micro-celebrity, sorta.

Boxing Day

February 7, 2024December 26, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah fondly remembers Boxing Days past. I don’t think I ever did the A&B Sound Boxing Day madness, or if I did it was looking for CDs later that afternoon, long after the hardcore dudes had already gone home with their new stereos and TVs. My brother says he used to go line up … Read moreBoxing Day

Merry Christmas!

February 7, 2024December 24, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula is kneeling on the floor next to Grandma Agnes' Christmas tree while baby Valerie plays with the discarded wrapping paper from the opened presents and Agnes sits in a chair drinking cocoa. Ursula asks Agnes, "Grandma, how come Santa's tags have your writing on them?" Agnes concocts some BS answer: "Well, Santa's very busy with delivering presents so he doesn't have time to fill out all the tags." Ursula next asks, "Why don't the elves write the tags?" and Agnes tells her "Elves can't read and write, dear." Ursula counters, "That's not what Granny Thorsen says."

Merry Christmas, all!

Noah’s Gift Bags

February 7, 2024December 23, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is sitting at his computer when Ursula approaches him, carrying a roll of Christmas wrapping paper. She offers, "Daddy, I'll wrap your presents for you if you give me ten dollars." Noah smiles and replies, "That's OK, honey. I used gift bags instead; they're more efficient." Ursula scowls and shakes the roll of paper at Noah while telling him, "Presents are better when they're wrapped." Noah rolls his eyes and tells her, "Presents are the same whether they're wrapped or bagged." Not giving up, Ursula retorts, "No, they need to be well-wrapped. Y'know, 'presented'?" Noah grins and asks, "And you'd thinnk that even if you weren't asking me to pay you to wrap?" Ursula replies, "What's that got to do with it?"

Ursula’s entrepreneurialism runs aground on Noah’s obsession with efficiency. Listen, kiddo: you can’t build a successful business just on your family and friends. (This one was inspired by an episode of Nightwave Radio from earlier this week wherein the host, Mersh, was talking about using gift bags and some of the people in his … Read moreNoah’s Gift Bags

Ginger-boardwalk

February 7, 2024December 22, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah, Ruth, and Ursula are in the kitchen/dining room making gingerbread houses... well, Ruth made a gingerbread house, Ursula made a gingerbread church, and Noah is putting the finishing frosting touches on a gingerbread Coney Island covering the entire dining table, complete with midway, Ferris wheel, carousel, and candy cane rollercoaster. Noah is licking his lips and thinking, "Almost finished my gingerbread masterpiece: Candy Cane-y Island... Now to protect it from being devoured by Ruth and the kids." Meanwhile Ruth is scowling and thinking, "Guess we're eating in the living room for a while..." and Ursula is glaring at Noah and thinking "Show off!"

Noah goes overboard with the gingerbread… why build a house when you can build Coney Island? Er, “Cane-y Island”.

Happy Solstice!

February 7, 2024December 21, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

The Thorsens are all gathered around the Christmas tree, celebrating the winter solstice and Yule by opening their presents from Granny Thorsen and "Odin." Baby Valerie is playing with the ripped up wrapping paper and Ursula has opened her presents: an iPad from "Odin" and a hand-knit sweater from Granny Thorsen. She smiles and says "Weird how Odin's handrwriting looks so much like Granny Thorsen's..." Noah stands behind her and scowls at Duke and Adam, with his finger over his lips shushing them. Duke says nothing and Adam says, "Freak coincidence, sis."

Christmas is still a few days away, but Yule/the solstice is today, aka the day the Thorsens open presents from Granny Thorsen… er, “Odin.” Wait til Ursula notices how Santa’s handwriting is the same as Grandma Agnes‘. (We also see Granny Thorsen’s first name in the runes: Hrefna. And yeah, she wouldn’t write “from” … Read moreHappy Solstice!

Sail On

February 7, 2024December 20, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Glen is working on the engine of a '70s muscle car while Adam leans over and holds a flashlight for Glen and Ursula is complaining about Noah's Viking homeschool: "...and he still expects me to row the distance from Denmark to England!" Adam, mostly ignoring his little sister just mumbles "Mmmhmm." Glen says to Ursula, "You do know Vikings mostly sailed rather than rowed, right?" Shocked, Ursula says, "Wait, what?!?" Adam grins and says, "She knows now." Furious, Ursula asks, "I rowed a whole half a mile for nothing?!?" Glen rolls his eyes and says, "Well, there's always that whole exercise thing..."

So it falls to Glen to let Ursula in on how the Vikings really got around. And we find out Ursula hasn’t gotten very far towards “England” anyway.