Noah Thorsen - Noah's Archipelago

Playing Chicken

February 5, 2024February 8, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is giving Valerie her bottle and Frank comes up with a coffee cup and says, "Alright, Agnes went to the salon. What's the intel?" Noah smiles and says, "We can have up to 10 hens. Minimum coop size is 40 square feet, but I think we should make it at least 8x8." Frank smiles and replies, "Plenty of room next to the pool." Noah continues, "And the run should be at least 100 square feet. More is better." Frank says, "Like I said." Noah then says, "In theory we get 10 eggs a day for most of the year." Frank smiles and says, "Let's do it... next month when Agnes goes to Vegas with her sisters." Noah replies, "Roger that." Meanwhile Valerie yanks a lock of Noah's hair and pokes him in the throat. Noah says to Valerie, "Ow! Valerie, don't pull Daddy's hair." Frank then says, "Yeah, that's how I lost mine."

Noah and Frank are plotting to get free eggs… well, free after the cost of the coop, the run, the hens, the feed… Meanwhile, Valerie is practising her assassin moves for when she’s big enough to actually be dangerous.

The Pitch

February 5, 2024January 16, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is talking to his old bandmate Gary, who says to Noah, " So Dave's lost his voice and can't do the show on Saturday. You in?" Noah sighs and replies, "Dunno, Gary. I'd like to, but Ruth hates Marilyn Manson. That's why I had to quit the band." Gary rolls his eyes and says, "Oh, c'mon! Live a little." Noah scowls and says, "Ruth would kill me." Gary sneers and retorts, "You gotta stop letting your ol' ball and chain tell you what to do."Noah rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders, saying, "One could say the same thing about my ol' bandmates."

It’s true that Noah and Ruth first met at one of Noah’s old Marilyn Manson tribute band gigs, but it didn’t take long before Ruth put an end to Noah’s Antichrist Superstar impersonation days.

Boxing Day

February 7, 2024December 26, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah fondly remembers Boxing Days past. I don’t think I ever did the A&B Sound Boxing Day madness, or if I did it was looking for CDs later that afternoon, long after the hardcore dudes had already gone home with their new stereos and TVs. My brother says he used to go line up … Read moreBoxing Day

Noah’s Gift Bags

February 7, 2024December 23, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is sitting at his computer when Ursula approaches him, carrying a roll of Christmas wrapping paper. She offers, "Daddy, I'll wrap your presents for you if you give me ten dollars." Noah smiles and replies, "That's OK, honey. I used gift bags instead; they're more efficient." Ursula scowls and shakes the roll of paper at Noah while telling him, "Presents are better when they're wrapped." Noah rolls his eyes and tells her, "Presents are the same whether they're wrapped or bagged." Not giving up, Ursula retorts, "No, they need to be well-wrapped. Y'know, 'presented'?" Noah grins and asks, "And you'd thinnk that even if you weren't asking me to pay you to wrap?" Ursula replies, "What's that got to do with it?"

Ursula’s entrepreneurialism runs aground on Noah’s obsession with efficiency. Listen, kiddo: you can’t build a successful business just on your family and friends. (This one was inspired by an episode of Nightwave Radio from earlier this week wherein the host, Mersh, was talking about using gift bags and some of the people in his … Read moreNoah’s Gift Bags

Ginger-boardwalk

February 7, 2024December 22, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah, Ruth, and Ursula are in the kitchen/dining room making gingerbread houses... well, Ruth made a gingerbread house, Ursula made a gingerbread church, and Noah is putting the finishing frosting touches on a gingerbread Coney Island covering the entire dining table, complete with midway, Ferris wheel, carousel, and candy cane rollercoaster. Noah is licking his lips and thinking, "Almost finished my gingerbread masterpiece: Candy Cane-y Island... Now to protect it from being devoured by Ruth and the kids." Meanwhile Ruth is scowling and thinking, "Guess we're eating in the living room for a while..." and Ursula is glaring at Noah and thinking "Show off!"

Noah goes overboard with the gingerbread… why build a house when you can build Coney Island? Er, “Cane-y Island”.

Happy Solstice!

February 7, 2024December 21, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

The Thorsens are all gathered around the Christmas tree, celebrating the winter solstice and Yule by opening their presents from Granny Thorsen and "Odin." Baby Valerie is playing with the ripped up wrapping paper and Ursula has opened her presents: an iPad from "Odin" and a hand-knit sweater from Granny Thorsen. She smiles and says "Weird how Odin's handrwriting looks so much like Granny Thorsen's..." Noah stands behind her and scowls at Duke and Adam, with his finger over his lips shushing them. Duke says nothing and Adam says, "Freak coincidence, sis."

Christmas is still a few days away, but Yule/the solstice is today, aka the day the Thorsens open presents from Granny Thorsen… er, “Odin.” Wait til Ursula notices how Santa’s handwriting is the same as Grandma Agnes‘. (We also see Granny Thorsen’s first name in the runes: Hrefna. And yeah, she wouldn’t write “from” … Read moreHappy Solstice!

Rise and Shine (Again)

February 7, 2024December 19, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

We see Ursula's alarm clock reading 5:30am. Noah says, "Rise and shine, little robotics engineer!" Ursula groans, "Ugh... not again!" As she yawns and rubs her eyes, Noah stands next to her bed and tells her, "Your mission this week is to build me a laundry folding robot." Ursula scowls and says, "Why do we have to fold laundry? We can just leave the clean stuff in a pile on a chair like Duke does." Noah smiles and replies, "Because that's the assignment from the client." Ursula points out, "Don't clients have to pay for stuff to be built?" Noah replies, "Think of all the money you'll make selling the laundry folding robots." Not swayed, Ursula asks, "Won't I have to pay taxes if I make money?" Noah says, "Yes, but—" and Ursula interrupts him, "So really I'm saving money by staying in bed." Noah scowls and says, "That's not the point!" as Ursula reaches over and turns off her bedside lamp and says, "See you around noon."

History doesn’t quite repeat itself as Ursula isn’t complying with early morning starts on robotics homeschool like she did during Viking homeschool. And when it comes to a battle of wills between Noah’s laziness in not wanting to fold laundry and Ursula’s laziness in not wanting to get up out of bed or build … Read moreRise and Shine (Again)

Girl Viking Stuff

February 7, 2024December 16, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

After lunch, Ursula is leaning on the kitchen island, sulking and Noah tells her, "Alright, little Viking: your mom's gonna teach you important girl Viking stuff." Wary, Ursula asks, "Like what?" Noah replies, "Dunno. Go find out." Ursula finds Ruth in her craft room, standing in front of a vertical loom. Ruth asks Ursula, "Did you get all the way to England yet?" Ursula replies, "Nope! I hate rowing." Ruth smiles and says, "Well, Ursula, in Viking times, girls didn't go raiding, so no rowing." Furious, Ursula shakes her fists and says, "Wait, what?!? I didn't have to row? I could have been watching cartoons instead?" Ruth smiles and says, "No, there were no cartoons then. You'd do chores instead: cooking, cleaning, tending to animals, gathering firewood... and in your spare time, spinning and weaving." Ursula groans and Ruth says, "Isn't Viking homeschool fun?"

Ruth gets in on the homeschooling, despite her earlier hesitations. PS: I’ve been told that actually women did raid in Viking times. On the other hand, I’ve seen talks from experts saying that women stayed home during the raids and wouldn’t come til settlements were being established. Still other sources said women participated in … Read moreGirl Viking Stuff

Smørrebrød

February 7, 2024December 15, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

With the Danish lesson over, Ursula goes to find Noah in the kitchen. He pats her on the head and asks, "Er du kommet til England endnu?" (translation: Did you get to England yet?") Ursula, shocked at hearing him address her in Danish, and still not clear on what any of that means, says "Huh?" and Noah repeats himself in English: "Did you row to England yet?" Ursula scowls and says, "No. How about you row and I raid?" Noah grins and tells her, "Because you're the apprentice Viking and because I'm busy making pickled herring smørrebrød for lunch." Ursula makes a disgusted scrunched up face and says, "Eww... can we order pizza instead?" Noah smiles and replies, "Vikings didn't have pizza. But if you think about it, this is the same: bread with toppings." Ursula scowls and says, "Gross toppings. I want proper pizza!" Noah grins and tells her, "Well, get rowing. Denmark to Italy is 3450 miles."

The “bread with toppings” pizza joke is an old one, but hey, it fits. Ursula have to be a world class athlete to row from “Denmark” to “Italy,” but we all know she ain’t rowing anywhere.

Danish Immersion

February 7, 2024December 14, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Viking homeschool continues with Noah and Ursula in front of their computer on a Facetime video call with Noah's mom, Granny Thorsen. Noah tells Ursula, "Alright, little Viking, now you need to learn to communicate with your fellow Vikings. That means Danish immersion. Take it away, Ma." Granny Thorsen speaks to Ursula in Danish, saying, "Er du kommet til England endnu?" (translation: Did you get to England yet?, referencing the rowing). Ursula tells Granny Thorsen, "It's OK, Granny. Daddy left, you can talk normal." To Ursula's dismay, Granny Thorsen continues to speak in Danish: "Nej, du skal lære vores sprog. Dansk er det største af de skandinaviske sprog, trods hvad nordmændene hævder." (translation: No, you need to learn our language. Danish is the greatest of the Scandinavian languages, no matter what the Norwegians say.) Ursula says, "I don't understand a word you said, Granny!" Granny Thorsen replies, "Du vil forstå med tiden. Nu, på dansk kalder du mig 'Farmor'..." (translation: You'll understand in time. Now, in Danish you call me 'Father's mother'....)

Granny Thorsen joins in the Viking homeschool fun, much to Ursula‘s confusion and consternation. PS: I hope I got the Danish correct; I used Google Translate as I only know a teeny bit of Norwegian and that’s from Duolingo, lol… I think it’s kinda right.