Ursula Thorsen - Noah's Archipelago

Rowing to “England”

February 7, 2024December 13, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah introduces Ursula to her first task as a Viking: rowing. She sits sideways on the seat of his fancy new rowing machine, scowling with her arms crossed as he explains: "Alright young Viking apprentice, before you can raid, you gotta row." Ursula asks, "Ugh... how long do I have to row? 5 minutes?" Noah smiles and tells her, "Denmark to England is 360 miles." Furious, Ursula snarls, "What?!? I'm telling Granny Thorsen!" Without missing a beat, Noah tells Ursula, "Sure thing! Denmark to Florida is 5100 miles."

Hmm… suddenly Ursula doesn’t seem so eager to get to “England” to raid.

Rise and Shine

February 7, 2024December 12, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

We see Ruth's alarm clock reading 5:30. Noah says to her, "Rising and shine, little Viking. Time for school!" Ursula refuses to turn over and mumbles, "No school today. Christmas break." Noah, standing beside her bed, replies, "No, homeschool today!" Ursula mumbles, "Yeah, yeah. See you around noon." Noah, undeterred, says, "No, Viking homeschool today. Get up." Bleary-eyed, Ursula looks at her alarm clock: "5:30?!? I don't have to get up 'til 7:45 for regular school!!" Noah smiles and tells her, "The early bird gets the English monastery gold." Ursula asks him, "And what does the late bird get?" Noah replies, "Tossed overboard." Ursula says, "Sounds good to me." Annoyed, Noah adjusts his reply: "Tossed overboard and tasked with changing her baby sister's diapers this week." That gets the desired response as Ursula says, "Ewww... fine, I'll get up..."

Ursula gets her first taste of Noah‘s Viking homeschool lesson plan. Careful what you wish for, kiddo.

The Homeschooling Scheme

February 7, 2024December 9, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

It's Friday morning and Ursula is once again complaining about having to go to school, saying to Noah, "Ugh... stupid boring school again... wish I could homeschool..." Noah scowls and thinks "Oh Hell naw..." as he hands Ursula her lunch, but he asks, "What would you rather be learning about?" Ursula says, "Cartoons!" Noah grins as a plan starts to develop and he says, "OK. And what about robots? Robots are cool." Ursula says, "Sure!" Noah continues, "And Vikings?" An excited Ursula replies, "Yeah!" Noah then grins and tells her, "Well, tell you what: let's use the Christmas break as your homeschooling test run and see how that goes." Ursula smiles and says, "Cool! No more school for me!" Noah thinks to himself, "yeah, we'll see about that..."

Careful what you wish for, Ursula! And you’d think by now she’d know to be wary of Noah‘s grin.

Clue

February 7, 2024December 8, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

I remember annoying my family members with my obsession with playing Clue when I was around Ursula’s age. Good times… probably not for them, though.

Pictionary

February 7, 2024December 7, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

It’s like rain on your wedding day, it’s like a bad Pictionary clue that Noah just can’t make. It might have also helped if Noah hadn’t gotten the videos for “Ironic” and “Thank You” all mixed up, but hey, it’s not like the kids know what Noah’s talking about anyway.

Risk

February 7, 2024December 6, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

I hate Risk, too, Ursula… and for the same reason: I always lose to my big brother, too.

Thorsen Family Game Night

February 7, 2024December 5, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula, Duke, and Adam are all sitting on the sofa and their dad Noah is standing in front of them carrying a stack of boardgames in his arms. Noah says, "OK, everyone gets to pick a game." Ursula says, "Pictionary!" Duke says, "Risk." Adam grins and says, "Blackjack!" Irritated, Noah tells Adam, "A normal game, Adam. Not a casino game." Ursula then scowls and asks Adam, "Do I need to know math to play blackjack?" Adam is annoyed and rolls his eyes, asking her, "Can't you count to 21 yet?" Noah reiterates, "There will be no casino games at Thorsen Family Game Night!" Adam scowls and crosses his arms and retorts, "You're just mad I whupped you at poker last month."

Yes, Adam, Noah is still mad about the poker loss.

The Mall Santa

February 7, 2024December 3, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Let the annual Thorsen Family Annoying of the Mall Santa begin.

Noah’s Christmas Efficiency

February 7, 2024December 2, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is on his computer, presumably on Facebook or something useless like that. Ursula comes up to him and says, "I guess you'll drag me to the mall to shop for Mommy's present?" Without even taking his eyes off the screen, Noah replies, "Nope. I ordered it online, same as yours, Valerie's, and your brothers'." Relieved, Ursula says, "Phew! Too bad Grandma Agnes doesn't do that." Noah smiles and says, "Your grandma doesn't value efficiency like I do." Suddenly, though, Ursula realizes the horrible implications of her father having finished all his Christmas shopping, and dismayed, she asks him, "Wait... if you finished shopping already, what happens if I add something to my wishlist?" Noah grins and tells her, "I'll put it on the list for your birthday." Ursula wails, "What?! That's not 'til June!" Noah smirks and says, "Well, it pays to be proactive." and returns to looking at his computer.

If there’s one thing Ursula hates more than shopping, it’s when her dad is already finished his shopping.

Ruth’s Christmas Book List

February 7, 2024December 1, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula is with her mom in a bookstore, standing in front of the New Releases display, which is loaded with new rock star autobiographies including "Surrender" by Bono, "Biblical" by Rob Halford, "The Lives of Brian" by Brian Johnson, "The Storyteller" by Dave Grohl, "A Book of Days" by Patti Smith, and Ann & Nancy Wilson's "Kicking & Dreaming." Clearly fed up with being dragged around to the shops, Ursula sticks her tongue out and scrunches her face up and whines, "Ugh... we've been here for hours!" Ruth, annoyed, retorts, "We've been here for 20 minutes, Ursula. And we'll go as soon as I get everything on my present list." (She holds a very long "Xmas List".) Without missing a beat, Ursula continues, "Ugh... we'll be here for hours!"

Ursula’s had it with shopping and I’ve had it with drawing shelves full of books… also, today I learned how similar all the rock star memoir covers look.