Today’s Top Stories

Ursula and Lily begin their first broadcast of the Ursula News Network with a dose of sensationalism.
“Just the facts, ma’am” is so last century.


The first episode of the Ursula News Network is live with breaking news.


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Comic description

In case of broken image links or accessibility issues with today’s cartoon, here’s the gist of today’s cartoon:

For the first-ever broadcast of the Ursula News Network, Ursula (with teased-up ponytails and a worried expression, as per her notes last time) starts off reading the breaking news: “Today on the Ursula News Network: breaking news! Do we have a worldwide epidemic of fractions homework?”

She continues talking over b-roll of the gym teacher: “Has anyone ever seen the gym teacher in normal pants? And is it true that volleyball causes brain damage?”

Ursula then holds up a picture of a girl with a black bar across her eyes to protect her identity, saying, “And tragedy strikes the playground as this girl catches a fatal case of cooties from sharing a pencil sharpener with Tommy Munro. Could you be next?”

We now see Ursula sitting next to a scowling Lily as Ursula continues, “All these stories and more on today’s show… but first: here’s Lily with some boring grownup stories.”