Uncategorized - Noah's Archipelago

March 2, 2023: Noah the Deducer

May 15, 2023March 2, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

March 1, 2023: The Forgery

May 15, 2023March 1, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

February 28, 2023: Schoolyard Rumors

April 27, 2023February 28, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula and a bunch of the girls in her class are standing around at recess, gossiping. One girl says, "I heard he dressed up like a cat one year." Another says, "He dressed like Van Gogh, too." A freckled redhead waves her arms frantically and adds, "My big cousin says he dressed up like a geisha in honor of the 'Women in Japanese Art' show." We see Ursula is frowning now, and then another of her friends asks her, "What's your dad gonna wear to the art gallery field trip this year, Ursula?" Ursula scowls and answers, "I dunno, depends if mommy catches him and says 'You can't leave the house dressed like that!' or not."

Poor Ursula… third grade is especially tough and conformist, if I recall correctly. Not that Noah would care (nor should he, really…)

February 25, 2023: Driftwood

April 27, 2023February 25, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Ursula are walking on the beach (all bundled up for the cold winds, though Noah as always has his shirt unbuttoned, baring his hairy chest). Ursula comes up to Noah with a strangely shaped piece of driftwood, saying "Daddy, look at this neat bit of driftwood!" Noah smiles and says, "Very cool! Now put it back." Annoyed, Ursula asks, "Why can't I take it home?" Noah scowls and answers, "Because driftwood prevents erosion." Ursula surveys the beach, replete with logs and chunks of driftwood, and says, "There's lots of other driftwood and logs." Noah replies, "Still." Now furious at being stymied, Ursula sneers, "This is because it's sandy and you just vacuumed your car, isn't it?" Noah is unmoved, repeating his prior command: "Put it back." Ursula obeys but complains, "Ugh... Grandma lets me keep the driftwood." Noah retorts, "That's cause Agnes doesn't vacuum her own car."

Can’t bring the whole beach home, Ursula. And you guys only live about 20 minutes away, anyway. (Inspired by Island View Beach just north of where the Thorsens live in Victoria, BC, which has signs up all over the place telling people to not take any of the logs or driftwood due to the … Read moreFebruary 25, 2023: Driftwood

February 24, 2023: Noah’s Apple Pie Plans

April 27, 2023February 24, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah, wearing his chef's hat, is carrying a pie to the dinner table where Ursula and Ruth are sitting. Urusla whines, "Apple Pie again?" Noah replies, "I tweaked my recipe. Let me know what you think." Ursula then says, " I think pie is the Brussels sprouts of desserts." This annoys Ruth, who snaps, "Ursula!" Ursula replies, "What? It's got fruit in it. It's practically health food." Noah is annoyed and says, "That's nice, sweetie, but you're not judging at the fair." Ruth laughs and reminds him, "The fair's not til September, Noah," and he replies, "Exactly. Plenty of time to perfect it." He grins and continues, "I'm gonna win the double crust apple pie competition." Then his eyes narrow and his grin turns Machiavellian as he says, "The real one, not the consolation prize 'men only' class." Wide-eyed, Ursula asks, "Can't you try to win the chocolate cake ribbon instead?" Noah laughs and replies, "Where's the glory in that?"

Noah has his eyes on the big prize… one of the fall fairs near me does indeed have a men-only class for the apple pies in the baking category, which I thought was kinda funny… but also gives the dudes a chance, lol. And of course Noah wants to try to win the “real” … Read moreFebruary 24, 2023: Noah’s Apple Pie Plans

February 23, 2023: Just One Drop

April 27, 2023February 23, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ruth grins and says, "It's great that you're already planning for the fall fair, babe..." We then see the whole picture: Noah is grinning maniacally whilst wearing his chef hat and holding out a wooden spoon with a steaming red sauce on it towards Ruth, who is leaning back and trying to squirm away from him. She continues: "...but there's no way I'm taste-testing your new Carolina Reaper hot sauce." Noah replies, "Oh, c'mon... just one drop!" Ruth refuses: "No! Can't you use your sons as recipe guinea pigs instead?" Noah is undaunted, saying, "Nope. Their taste buds are already fried."

Nice try, Noah… but you’d probably have more success if you hadn’t bragged about the face-melting Scoville units the Carolina Reapers have and how you hoped to set the judges tastebuds on fire with them.

February 22, 2023: Fall Fair Planning

March 21, 2023February 22, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Ursula are eyeing a tray of seedlings. Noah's eyes are wide with wonder and he says, "Wowee... look at all those tomatoes!" Ursula, confused, "Um... there's no tomatoes, Daddy." Noah grins and explains, "Not yet, honey, but each of these tiny seedlings will become a mighty tomato plant yielding pounds of tomatoes!" Ursula is skeptical and asks, "And you're sure that's not just a figment of your imagination?" Speaking of imagination, Noah grins and closes his eyes, blissfully imagining himself twirling around, blue ribbons pinned all over his clothes as he tells Ursula, "Daddy's gonna win all the blue ribbons for his tomatoes at the fair this year." Ursula looks off to the side and says, "Um... OK?" Noah continues, eyes now open albeit narrowed and he looks off to the distance, saying "And all the pickles too. That nasty old Mrs. Brunswick can shove her dills where the sun don't shine!" and we see his imagined future of holding a jar of his pickes adorned with a blue ribbon as he flashes a V for victory sign at a scowling and growling Mrs. Brunswick, clutching her sad #2 red ribbon. Ursula is now deeply disturbed and asks, "Um... Daddy, are you sure you're feeling OK?"

Usually Noah‘s a pretty easygoing guy, but every now and then we hit a nerve that brings out his fiercely competitive side. Don’t count your blue ribbons before the tomato plants have even hit an inch tall, though.

February 21, 2023: Power Outage

March 21, 2023February 21, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Frank is smiling and he says, "Ah, isn't this nice... everyone gathered around the fire..." We now see that Frank is sitting on the ground facing the fireplace. Next to him sit Ursula and Noah, looking miserable. On the sofa, Ruth is sulking and holding baby Valerie and Agnes is scowling at Frank as he says, "Reminds me of being a kid on the ol' farm." Ursula then looks at Noah and says, "Daddy, I wanna watch cartoons." Noah replies, "I know, honey, but you have to wait til the power's back on." Ruth then says, "I bet it was the neighbors' tree that fell..." Agnes replies, "I knew I should have had it chopped down when they were in Arizona last year."

Agnes‘ neighbors all have security cameras aimed at their trees when they go out of town.

February 20, 2023: Ursula’s Winnings

March 21, 2023February 20, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula comes up to Ruth and demands, "Mommy, take me to buy Lego." Surprised, Ruth replies, "You already spent your allowance." Ursula grins and waves a wad of cash, saying, "Yeah, but I have Superbowl winnings." Ruth is shocked and says, "What?!? Where did you get this?" Ursula answers, "Cindy sent it from Vegas." Furious, Ruth snarls, "You're too little to gamble!!!!" Ursula is annoyed and retorts, "Then raise my allowance." Ruth continues, "Who told you it was OK to gamble?" Just then, Grandpa Frank pops in, smiling and asking, "Ursula, did your Vegas hookup send the—" then he sees Ruth glaring at him and changes the subject: "Oh... hi, Pumpkin. I thought you were at the nail salon with your mother."

Grandpa Frank, ya gotta look around before you open your mouth… especially when it comes to things you know your wife Agnes and your daughter Ruth disapprove of.

February 18, 2023: Check the Land Rover

March 21, 2023February 18, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is smiling and has his hands on and wary-looking Ruth. He tells her, "Aw, c'mon Ruth: no need to be jealous. You know I'm not going anywhere." Ruth replies, "Yeah, I guess." Noah continues: "And it it ever seems like I did, check your mom's Land Rover." Ruth says, "I'd think she'd be more likely to use Dad's boat for body disposal." Noah answers, "Yeah, but she'd have to stuff me in the back of the Land Rover to get me to the boat, so check there first."

Agnes would love to some days, but has yet to figure out an ironclad alibi to get rid of Noah. And we all know Ursula is an eager tattletale for the right amount of Lego.