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Noah's Archipelago

Noah Thorsen: stay-at-home-dad, cover band rockstar, open shirt enthusiast.

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    • Frank Burgoyne
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Agnes Burgoyne

Agnes Returns

February 7, 2024December 17, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Agnes stands next to her suitcase, arms open to Ursula running towards her. Ursula says to her, "Grandma! Thank God you're back from Mexico! They made me do chores and learn Danish and row!" Grandma Agnes smiles and replies, "Oh, how fun! Did you row all the way to England?" Ursula groans, "Ugh... no!" and Agnes replies, "That's OK. You'll get there."

  Not quite the response Ursula was hoping to get out of Grandma Agnes.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Ursula Thorsen

Spice Girls Shopping

February 7, 2024November 29, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Grandma Agnes has brought Ursula to the antiques mall to shop for Ruth. Grandma Agnes says, "OK, keep your eyes peeled for something your mommy would like for Christmas." Ursula immediately points to a boxed set of five Spice Girls on Tour dolls and says, "Is that a set of Spice Girls dolls?" Surprised, Agnes says, "Huh? Oh, yes. It is." Ursula replies, "Cool, our work here is done. Now for that pizza and ice cream you promised."

  Trust Ursula to find the quickest route to finishing up her Christmas shopping.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Ursula Thorsen

Santa Agnes

February 7, 2024November 28, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Noah is decorating a large Christmas tree in the living room while Grandma Agnes talks to Ursula and asks, " So what do you want from Santa, Ursula?" Ursula responds with her wish list, "I want a bunch of those Foodie Mini Brands balls, and the Lego Goat Boat set and the Lego tiger, and a rock tumbler and a candy chemistry set and..." Grandma Agnes interrupts her to ask, "Don't you want any Barbies?" Ursula replies, "Naw, I'm kinda over Barbie. Plus Mommy keeps insisting I shouldn't play with them because they'll be worth money someday." Furious, Grandma Agnes growls and says, "Your mommy needs to get her own Barbies!" and Ursula tells her, "She does have her own. She keeps them locked away from me... and from Daddy and his GI Joe dolls." Incensed, Noah interrupts his tree-decorating to say, "Hey! They're not dolls, they're action figures!"

  Well, one supposes the 12″ GI Joes do see a lot of action with Barbie… also, we can tell what Grandma Agnes bought Ursula for Christmas.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Noah Thorsen, Ursula Thorsen

Inflatables

February 7, 2024November 26, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Noah and Frank are digging out the big box of Christmas lights. Agnes has her coat on and says to Frank, "OK, we're going antiquing. Make sure you keep things tasteful with the lights." Frank replies, "Yes, dear" while Noah grins slyly and says nothing. Once Agnes has left, Frank turns to Noah and says, "Alright, the wives are gone. Go get the giant tacky inflatables." Noah smiles and says, "On it!"

  You just know that as soon as Agnes returns and is annoyed, Frank is going to try to say the inflatables were Noah’s idea.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Frank Burgoyne, Noah Thorsen

Happy Thanksgiving!

February 7, 2024November 24, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Ruth and Agnes are drinking coffee at Agnes' kitchen table. In the background we see Noah and Frank sitting on the antique sofa, sleeping. Ursula comes up to Ruth and Agnes and points at her dad and granddad and says, "OK, they're asleep. Now can we order pizza?"

  Noah and Frank are in food comas and Ursula wants pizza… again… happy Thanksgiving!

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Frank Burgoyne, Noah Thorsen, Ruth Thorsen, Ursula Thorsen

Ursula on Watch Duty

February 7, 2024November 19, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Agnes gets Ursula to stand guard at the top of the stairs. (Er, sit guard.)

Grandma Agnes needs that extra five bucks for gambling… or maybe she’s just cheap.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Ursula Thorsen

Noah the Muffin Man

February 7, 2024November 16, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Noah brings a tray of fresh muffins to his in-laws' doorstep to bribe his way into some babysitting.

Noah knows exactly how to bribe his way into getting what he wants, and Frank is very, very bribeable.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Frank Burgoyne, Noah ThorsenTags awkward questions, great expectations, husband and wife, in-laws

“Tragic Canoe Accident”

February 5, 2024November 3, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Ursula is bored as her grandmother drones on about family history and her grandfather reads the paper, oblivious.
Ursula is bored as her grandmother drones on about family history and her grandfather reads the paper, oblivious.
Just wait til you hear about Great-Great Aunt Mildred’s sister-in-law’s bunions, kiddo…

 

Ursula shouldn’t have said she needed to write an essay on family history if she didn’t want to get a book’s worth of information from Grandma Agnes.

Read more“Tragic Canoe Accident”

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Frank Burgoyne, Ursula ThorsenTags bratty, family history, grandmother, homework, too much information

Happy Halloween!

February 7, 2024October 31, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Ursula complains about having to go trick-or-treating when Noah has tons of candy at home. He sends her out anyway.

Never question a man’s boyhood dedication to the pursuit of candy.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Noah Thorsen, Ursula ThorsenTags bratty, costumes, daddy daughter, grandmother, Halloween, in-laws, lazy

Noah’s Mind’s in the Gutters

June 12, 2024October 13, 2022 by Pyra Draculea
Noah has a new toy: a gutter-cleaning robot.

Noah’s quest for both maximum efficiency in chores and victory over his mother-in-law continues… and he’s never met a robot he didn’t love.

Categories Agnes Burgoyne, Noah ThorsenTags chores, in-laws, lazy, maximum efficiency, robots and gizmos
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