2023 - Noah's Archipelago

February 1, 2023: The Rec Guide

January 31, 2023February 1, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula is drawing at the kitchen table. Noah comes up to her and offers her a brochure. Ursula asks, "What's this?" and Noah replies, "The rec guide. Let's choose a few activities for you." Ursula peruses the guide, grins, and says, "I'll take the animation and the Lego robotics." Noah replies, "OK. And a sport?" and Ursula says, "Nope." Noah then tells her, "Mommy wants you to find a sport." Ursula raises an eyebrow and replies, "Mommy wants a lot of things." Noah rolls his eyes and says, "Oh, c'mon... at least have a look at the sports section." Ursula scowls and says, "I don't wanna." Finally Noah resorts to bribery: "Tell you what, Ursula: You pick a sport and I promise we'll get pizza every other week after class." Ursula groans but finally budges, saying, "I guess archery is the least sport-like sport. Now, about that pizza..."

Looks like Ursula is tired of the suction cup fake arrows.

January 31, 2023: Ursula Needs A Sport

January 31, 2023January 31, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ruth and Noah are in bed, talking about the kids while Noah reads the latest issue of Mojo Music Magazine. Ruth says, "We need to get Ursula into some sort of sports this year." Noah smiles and replies, "She's allergic to sports." Undaunted, Ruth continues, "But she needs to be more active." Noah raises an eyebrow and says, "Yes, dear, I know." Ruth muses, "She hates sports, she hates dance... is there anything she IS interested in?" Noah pauses and replies, "Um... is carnival knife throwing a sport?"

No, Noah, carnival knife throwing is not a sport, no matter how much Ursula wants to try it.

January 30, 2023: Fitness Goals

February 1, 2023January 30, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Adam are talking in the kitchen. Adam sighs, rolls his eyes, and says, "You wanna get fit? Come pump iron with me." Noah is wary and asks, "I'm not gonna end up looking like Glenn Danzig, am I?" Annoyed, Adam asks, "What's wrong with looking like Danzig?" as he pictures a young and buff Danzig on stage. Noah replies, "Well, he's no Mick Jagger." as he envisions an older but still slim and spry Jagger dancing around onstage. Adam facepalms and points out, "Neither are you." Noah is irked and retorts, "No, but I have goals." Just then Ursula pops up with her chin on the dining room table and asks, "Can I pump iron?" Adam, hands on hips, tells her, "You're too little. Come back in 5 years." Ursula is annoyed and asks, hands on hips, "Can I at least come point and laugh?" Adam tells her, "No. Go play in traffic." This annoys Noah who yells, also hands on hips, "Adam!" before then adding, "Honey, go watch cartoons." to get Ursula to leave them alone.

“Go play in traffic” was my maternal uncles’ favorite retort when us kids were being annoying in the ’80s. Anyway, one might wonder why Noah doesn’t ask Ruth whether she’d prefer a Danzig physique or a Jagger one… but she might tell him Bono, in which case Noah’s kinda already there. Side note: in … Read moreJanuary 30, 2023: Fitness Goals

January 28, 2023: Ruth’s Donuts

January 28, 2023January 28, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ruth is standing in the kitchen with a plain white bakery box. She's biting into a donut with pink icing and sprinkles when Noah comes up behind her, hands on his hips and scowling, saying, "Donuts? What? You're cheating on the meal plan?" Mouth full, Ruth can only mumble, "Mmmph..." and Noah continues, "Well, teacher: I hope you brought enough for everyone! And twice as much for me!" Meanwhile Ruth is thinking, "I knew I should have eaten these in the car..."

Well, turnabout for Thursday is fair play. And Noah will be so much nicer once he has a couple donuts, lol…

January 27, 2023: Lunch at Gigi’s

January 28, 2023January 27, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Glen are hanging out for lunch at Gigi's cafe. Glen is laughing, saying, "You? Salad? Since when?" Noah pouts with his chin on his hands, elbows on the table as he looks down at Valerie sleeping in her pram. He answers Glen: "Since I popped the seams on my old Marilyn Manson outfit." Glen replies, "Sucks to be you." Gigi then comes up, carrying their respective lunch orders: a double cheeseburger with a heaping side of fries for Glen and a heaping salad for Noah. She asks Noah, "Why don't you try keto? It worked for my sister." Noah asks her, "Can I eat cheeseburgers on keto?" Gigi goes over to coo at Valerie, now awake, and she tells Noah, "Sure... minus the bun and the fries." Noah sulks and eyes Glen's fries as he sighs and replies, "But the bun and the fires are the best part!" For his part, Glen guards his fries and snarls, "Don't even think about it, Thorsen!" while Gigi is now thoroughly distracted and busy saying "Koochie koochie koo!" to Valerie, who reaches out to Gigi.

That’s right, Glen, guard those fries. Clearly Noah‘s in need of some carb-loading. You just know Adam‘s getting another earful from Gigi about how it’s time to have his own babies after this visit.

January 26, 2023: Bloody Mary

January 28, 2023January 26, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Ruth are in the kitchen. Noah is smiling and holding a Bloody Mary in one hand, the other hand on Ruth's shoulder. Ruth is scowling and has her hands on her hips. She asks, "Is that a Bloody Mary?" Noah replies, "It's a salad." Ruth retorts, "It's a cocktail!" Noah answers that, "It's got tomato, lime, celery, and olives with a dash of hot pepper juice." (He neglects to mention the vodka... which is made from potatos, after all...) Ruth yells, "That's not a salad!" Noah replies, "hey, if Uncle Sam can call ketchup a vegetable, I can call this a salad."

Suddenly Noah‘s all about the whole salad-for-lunch thing. Maybe even three salads for lunch. Also, apparently the “ketchup is a vegetable” thing really happened. LOL…