Noah Thorsen - Noah's Archipelago

Smørrebrød

February 7, 2024December 15, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

With the Danish lesson over, Ursula goes to find Noah in the kitchen. He pats her on the head and asks, "Er du kommet til England endnu?" (translation: Did you get to England yet?") Ursula, shocked at hearing him address her in Danish, and still not clear on what any of that means, says "Huh?" and Noah repeats himself in English: "Did you row to England yet?" Ursula scowls and says, "No. How about you row and I raid?" Noah grins and tells her, "Because you're the apprentice Viking and because I'm busy making pickled herring smørrebrød for lunch." Ursula makes a disgusted scrunched up face and says, "Eww... can we order pizza instead?" Noah smiles and replies, "Vikings didn't have pizza. But if you think about it, this is the same: bread with toppings." Ursula scowls and says, "Gross toppings. I want proper pizza!" Noah grins and tells her, "Well, get rowing. Denmark to Italy is 3450 miles."

The “bread with toppings” pizza joke is an old one, but hey, it fits. Ursula have to be a world class athlete to row from “Denmark” to “Italy,” but we all know she ain’t rowing anywhere.

Danish Immersion

February 7, 2024December 14, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Viking homeschool continues with Noah and Ursula in front of their computer on a Facetime video call with Noah's mom, Granny Thorsen. Noah tells Ursula, "Alright, little Viking, now you need to learn to communicate with your fellow Vikings. That means Danish immersion. Take it away, Ma." Granny Thorsen speaks to Ursula in Danish, saying, "Er du kommet til England endnu?" (translation: Did you get to England yet?, referencing the rowing). Ursula tells Granny Thorsen, "It's OK, Granny. Daddy left, you can talk normal." To Ursula's dismay, Granny Thorsen continues to speak in Danish: "Nej, du skal lære vores sprog. Dansk er det største af de skandinaviske sprog, trods hvad nordmændene hævder." (translation: No, you need to learn our language. Danish is the greatest of the Scandinavian languages, no matter what the Norwegians say.) Ursula says, "I don't understand a word you said, Granny!" Granny Thorsen replies, "Du vil forstå med tiden. Nu, på dansk kalder du mig 'Farmor'..." (translation: You'll understand in time. Now, in Danish you call me 'Father's mother'....)

Granny Thorsen joins in the Viking homeschool fun, much to Ursula‘s confusion and consternation. PS: I hope I got the Danish correct; I used Google Translate as I only know a teeny bit of Norwegian and that’s from Duolingo, lol… I think it’s kinda right.

Rowing to “England”

February 7, 2024December 13, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah introduces Ursula to her first task as a Viking: rowing. She sits sideways on the seat of his fancy new rowing machine, scowling with her arms crossed as he explains: "Alright young Viking apprentice, before you can raid, you gotta row." Ursula asks, "Ugh... how long do I have to row? 5 minutes?" Noah smiles and tells her, "Denmark to England is 360 miles." Furious, Ursula snarls, "What?!? I'm telling Granny Thorsen!" Without missing a beat, Noah tells Ursula, "Sure thing! Denmark to Florida is 5100 miles."

Hmm… suddenly Ursula doesn’t seem so eager to get to “England” to raid.

Rise and Shine

February 7, 2024December 12, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

We see Ruth's alarm clock reading 5:30. Noah says to her, "Rising and shine, little Viking. Time for school!" Ursula refuses to turn over and mumbles, "No school today. Christmas break." Noah, standing beside her bed, replies, "No, homeschool today!" Ursula mumbles, "Yeah, yeah. See you around noon." Noah, undeterred, says, "No, Viking homeschool today. Get up." Bleary-eyed, Ursula looks at her alarm clock: "5:30?!? I don't have to get up 'til 7:45 for regular school!!" Noah smiles and tells her, "The early bird gets the English monastery gold." Ursula asks him, "And what does the late bird get?" Noah replies, "Tossed overboard." Ursula says, "Sounds good to me." Annoyed, Noah adjusts his reply: "Tossed overboard and tasked with changing her baby sister's diapers this week." That gets the desired response as Ursula says, "Ewww... fine, I'll get up..."

Ursula gets her first taste of Noah‘s Viking homeschool lesson plan. Careful what you wish for, kiddo.

360 Miles

February 7, 2024December 10, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Ruth are in bed and Ruth is furious, snarling at Noah, "I can't believe you told Ursula you'd homeschool her!" Noah smiles and tells Ruth, "No, I said we'd do a trial run over Christmas." Ruth yells, "Noah!" Nonplussed, Noah continues, "She wants to learn about Vikings. Did you know the rowing distance from Denmark to England is 360 miles?" Not following Noah's train of thought, Ruth snaps back, "So?" And Noah grins and tells her, "So I ordered a rowing machine. One with a real water resistance mechanism." Ruth growls, "What's that got to do with Ursula's education?" Noah replies, "Oh, there will be lessons learned."

Ruth catches wind of the homeschooling scheme, but doesn’t quite get Noah‘s plan yet. In other news, I guess that’s one way to sneak a fancy new rowing machine past your wife’s budget defences.

The Homeschooling Scheme

February 7, 2024December 9, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

It's Friday morning and Ursula is once again complaining about having to go to school, saying to Noah, "Ugh... stupid boring school again... wish I could homeschool..." Noah scowls and thinks "Oh Hell naw..." as he hands Ursula her lunch, but he asks, "What would you rather be learning about?" Ursula says, "Cartoons!" Noah grins as a plan starts to develop and he says, "OK. And what about robots? Robots are cool." Ursula says, "Sure!" Noah continues, "And Vikings?" An excited Ursula replies, "Yeah!" Noah then grins and tells her, "Well, tell you what: let's use the Christmas break as your homeschooling test run and see how that goes." Ursula smiles and says, "Cool! No more school for me!" Noah thinks to himself, "yeah, we'll see about that..."

Careful what you wish for, Ursula! And you’d think by now she’d know to be wary of Noah‘s grin.

Clue

February 7, 2024December 8, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

I remember annoying my family members with my obsession with playing Clue when I was around Ursula’s age. Good times… probably not for them, though.

Pictionary

February 7, 2024December 7, 2022 by Pyra Draculea

It’s like rain on your wedding day, it’s like a bad Pictionary clue that Noah just can’t make. It might have also helped if Noah hadn’t gotten the videos for “Ironic” and “Thank You” all mixed up, but hey, it’s not like the kids know what Noah’s talking about anyway.