January, 2023 - Noah's Archipelago

Ursula Needs A Sport

April 13, 2025January 31, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ruth and Noah are in bed, talking about the kids while Noah reads the latest issue of Mojo Music Magazine. Ruth says, "We need to get Ursula into some sort of sports this year." Noah smiles and replies, "She's allergic to sports." Undaunted, Ruth continues, "But she needs to be more active." Noah raises an eyebrow and says, "Yes, dear, I know." Ruth muses, "She hates sports, she hates dance... is there anything she IS interested in?" Noah pauses and replies, "Um... is carnival knife throwing a sport?"

No, Noah, carnival knife throwing is not a sport, no matter how much Ursula wants to try it.

January 30, 2023: Fitness Goals

February 1, 2023January 30, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Adam are talking in the kitchen. Adam sighs, rolls his eyes, and says, "You wanna get fit? Come pump iron with me." Noah is wary and asks, "I'm not gonna end up looking like Glenn Danzig, am I?" Annoyed, Adam asks, "What's wrong with looking like Danzig?" as he pictures a young and buff Danzig on stage. Noah replies, "Well, he's no Mick Jagger." as he envisions an older but still slim and spry Jagger dancing around onstage. Adam facepalms and points out, "Neither are you." Noah is irked and retorts, "No, but I have goals." Just then Ursula pops up with her chin on the dining room table and asks, "Can I pump iron?" Adam, hands on hips, tells her, "You're too little. Come back in 5 years." Ursula is annoyed and asks, hands on hips, "Can I at least come point and laugh?" Adam tells her, "No. Go play in traffic." This annoys Noah who yells, also hands on hips, "Adam!" before then adding, "Honey, go watch cartoons." to get Ursula to leave them alone.

“Go play in traffic” was my maternal uncles’ favorite retort when us kids were being annoying in the ’80s. Anyway, one might wonder why Noah doesn’t ask Ruth whether she’d prefer a Danzig physique or a Jagger one… but she might tell him Bono, in which case Noah’s kinda already there. Side note: in … Read moreJanuary 30, 2023: Fitness Goals

January 28, 2023: Ruth’s Donuts

January 28, 2023January 28, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ruth is standing in the kitchen with a plain white bakery box. She's biting into a donut with pink icing and sprinkles when Noah comes up behind her, hands on his hips and scowling, saying, "Donuts? What? You're cheating on the meal plan?" Mouth full, Ruth can only mumble, "Mmmph..." and Noah continues, "Well, teacher: I hope you brought enough for everyone! And twice as much for me!" Meanwhile Ruth is thinking, "I knew I should have eaten these in the car..."

Well, turnabout for Thursday is fair play. And Noah will be so much nicer once he has a couple donuts, lol…

January 27, 2023: Lunch at Gigi’s

January 28, 2023January 27, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Glen are hanging out for lunch at Gigi's cafe. Glen is laughing, saying, "You? Salad? Since when?" Noah pouts with his chin on his hands, elbows on the table as he looks down at Valerie sleeping in her pram. He answers Glen: "Since I popped the seams on my old Marilyn Manson outfit." Glen replies, "Sucks to be you." Gigi then comes up, carrying their respective lunch orders: a double cheeseburger with a heaping side of fries for Glen and a heaping salad for Noah. She asks Noah, "Why don't you try keto? It worked for my sister." Noah asks her, "Can I eat cheeseburgers on keto?" Gigi goes over to coo at Valerie, now awake, and she tells Noah, "Sure... minus the bun and the fries." Noah sulks and eyes Glen's fries as he sighs and replies, "But the bun and the fires are the best part!" For his part, Glen guards his fries and snarls, "Don't even think about it, Thorsen!" while Gigi is now thoroughly distracted and busy saying "Koochie koochie koo!" to Valerie, who reaches out to Gigi.

That’s right, Glen, guard those fries. Clearly Noah‘s in need of some carb-loading. You just know Adam‘s getting another earful from Gigi about how it’s time to have his own babies after this visit.

January 26, 2023: Bloody Mary

January 28, 2023January 26, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah and Ruth are in the kitchen. Noah is smiling and holding a Bloody Mary in one hand, the other hand on Ruth's shoulder. Ruth is scowling and has her hands on her hips. She asks, "Is that a Bloody Mary?" Noah replies, "It's a salad." Ruth retorts, "It's a cocktail!" Noah answers that, "It's got tomato, lime, celery, and olives with a dash of hot pepper juice." (He neglects to mention the vodka... which is made from potatos, after all...) Ruth yells, "That's not a salad!" Noah replies, "hey, if Uncle Sam can call ketchup a vegetable, I can call this a salad."

Suddenly Noah‘s all about the whole salad-for-lunch thing. Maybe even three salads for lunch. Also, apparently the “ketchup is a vegetable” thing really happened. LOL…

January 25, 2023: The Cheater

January 28, 2023January 25, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula walks into her grandparents' kitchen. Grandma Agnes smiles and says, "Three days in a row, huh?" Ursula scowls and explains, "Daddy's still on a diet." Agnes replies, "Ah, OK." Grandpa Frank smiles and says, "Thorsen still hasn't figured out he can just cheat, huh?" This sets off Agnes, who scowls and asks, "What's that supposed to mean, Frank?" Frank glares and answers, "Nothing, dear." Agnes won't let up and asks, "You're not cheating on your diet, are you?" Annoyed, Frank snarls, "No, dear. I love kale and wheatgrass." He then smiles and turns to Ursula, saying, "Hey, Ursula, how about you and me go visit your Uncle Norm's horses?" Ursula is thrilled and grins saying, "OK!" Frank then smirks and thinks, "and we'll grab a burger on the way there."

Frank has had decades of practice circumventing Agnes‘ annual New Year’s diet.

January 24, 2023: Push-Ups

January 28, 2023January 24, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah has just struggled into a push-up and at the top grunts and says, "Grrr... nine... ugh..." he looks over at baby Valerie, also in a push-up position as she looks at her blocks and other toys surrounding her on the living room rug. Valerie looks rather unimpressed with her dad's push-up form. Noah then says, "Don't give me that look, Valerie. You do this all day, some of us walk around upright instead."

Valerie doesn’t seem too impressed by Noah‘s push-ups.

January 23, 2023: Hangry Noah

January 28, 2023January 23, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

An irate Noah is in the kitchen, fiddling with the coffeemaker and growling, "Grrr... stupid coffeemaker!" Ursula comes up behind him and asks, "What's with you today?" Noah sulks and tells her, "I'm following Mommy's meal plan this week." Ursula raises an eyebrow and says, "Oh?" Noah explains, "All Bran with skim milk for breakfast, salad for lunch, and dinner will be stuffed bell peppers." He looks despondent as he continues, "It's only day one and I'd already kill for a cheeseburger." Seizing her opportunity, Ursula grins and says, "OK, let's go to Red Robin." Noah, however, doesn't take the bait, replying, "Grr... I can't!" as he pinches more than an inch of his love handle fat. Then he turns on Ursula: "Don't you have homework to do?" Ursula takes the hint that it's best to make herself scarce and she replies "Uh... yeah, over at Grandma's house..."

Poor Noah needs a Snickers bar… or five.

January 21, 2023: The Aftermath

January 28, 2023January 21, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Noah is trying to sneak into the house in the wee hours of Saturday night/Sunday morning after having substituted for his buddy Dave in his old Marilyn Manson tribute band. He is dressed as circa 2001 Marilyn Manson, in knee-high black platform boots, layers of torn pantyhose, black leather straps/garters around his thighs, a black Speedo, a black corset, and black elbow-length gloves with his hair slicked back. Unfortunately for Noah, Ruth is already home from her girls' night out and she is waiting for him on the stairs, in her bathrobe and bunny slippers and a bad mood. She growls. Noah has his hands up, defensively, and says, "Ruth! You're home early..." A furious Ruth demands to know, "Why are you dressed like Marilyn Manson?" Rather than answering her, Noah aims to distract her: "Heh heh... You look really pretty tonight, honey..." (It's not gonna work, we see a little box pointing at the sofa in the background and the box is labelled "where Noah will be sleeping this week"

Noah gets busted trying to sneak in the house post-gig. Hell hath no fury like Ruth when she catches Noah playing Marilyn Manson.

January 20, 2023: The Critic

January 28, 2023January 20, 2023 by Pyra Draculea

Ursula comes up to Noah in the attic (still rummaging through the bin of his old stage clothes). She asks, "Whatcha doing, Daddy?" He replies, "Oh, I'm just organizing my old stage costumes." Ursula plucks out the now-torn Marilyn Manson-inspired sheer bodysuit with feather epaulets and holds it up, leaning back in recoil, and says, "What on earth..." Noah smiles and tells her, "Daddy used to wear that when he sang in a Marilyn Manson tribute band." Incredulous, Ursula asks, "You wore pantyhose?" Noah scowls and snaps back, "It's not pantyhose, it's a sheer bodysuit." Ursula makes a disgusted face and asks, "Does Mommy know about this?" Noah grins and tells her, "I was wearing that when I met Mommy." Ursula holds the bodysuit up again and asks, "Why's the butt ripped out?" Noah looks off to the side, embarrassed, and replies, "Because Mommy might be right about eating salad for lunch."

Granted that Noah‘s leaving out the bit where Ruth slapped him when he hit on her wearing that suit, and didn’t manage to actually get with her til months later when he started his U2 tribute band, which was more to her liking, but meh… details…